Decisions

The peace and serenity that a heartfelt decision can bestow are immeasurable.  Indecision, stagnation, and all those other –tion/-sions can lead only to misery, to a feeling of repressed purpose boiling from within.  When this happens it is far too easy to aimlessly change, to do the shallow, superficial motions which bring only temporary relief from the discontent within.

Sometimes this tempestuous battle within cracks and a person will lash out, will quit on life, will stop trying.  Other times this person will go through the motions, a hollowed out husk, surviving rather than really living.

The answer, I believe, is always within.  If you find yourself in this situation, listen to that little voice which tells you to check on that new job, to take that night class you always were interested in, or to look at real estate in that town you’ve sorta had your eye on your whole life.

For me, it was this latter bit.  And once I looked at the area, the weather, the apartments and jobs, I just couldn’t stop it.  It felt right, almost divine.  That boiling well within became a geyser, an unquenchable fountain of roaming desire.

I am an Earth sign, a stubborn, rooted being, and after a childhood of poverty and constant moving from one place to another, I value roots, stability, and comfort.  I loathe moving, change gives me hives, and the idea of financial uncertainty sends me running for pills, booze, crack, hookers, sushi, and a nap.  (Yes, all at once.  How do you deal with your pain?  Bwahahaha!)  Or at least the idea of them.

So, the enthusiasm with which I have embraced this change is a little stunning.  It’s any number of things, and though I have issues with my job, my living situation, and my professional aspirations (note: most certainly NOT my current job), I know that all those things could change and I would still be unhappy where I am.  I could take all those things with me and be a happy mess.

The decision has been made, the weight is off my back, and I could barely be happier.  Now there is only the wait, and though the year-long slough through the mire of this existence will be challenging, there is a soft, gentle light at the end of that tunnel.

Look out, world.  2014, baby.

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~ by Darren Endymion on November 5, 2012.

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