Drinking, Migraine, Malaise, and Anticlimax

What do these subjects have in common? Not a damn thing. Almost.

This is an update, folks, and I mean it to be a brief one. Sorta.

1) Drinking — I did a lot of this at my friend’s wedding. He and his groom looked absolutely amazing and there was only a brief misbehaving by a straight couple teasing my newest, butchest lesbian friend. However — and this seems to be the way of things with me at all outings — people do their damndest to get me drunk. The good thing is that I never pay for drinks. The bad thing is that I’m not terribly tall, I don’t weigh much, and I don’t drink much, so getting me drunk is not a difficult task. Consequently, I watched the wedding through a haze, almost like watching a bad soap opera on a TV ready to go out while the gayest voice ever conceived by man or drag queen whispers  shallow nonsense behind me.

2) Migraine — Yesterday I had my first migraine. My eye hurt, it was all on the right side of my head, and toward the end, when I decided that going home from work was the only viable option, the edges of my vision began to pulse. It was terrible. I don’t wish that on anyone, and I feel like I am still recovering. How the hell do people deal with this shit on a regular basis?

3) Malaise — My writing, once again, has paused. Why the hell did I think tackling two projects at the same time would be a wise decision? They have the same flavor, the same tone, and the same sort of structure. One is potentially large, the other will be a novella. A part of me doesn’t want to jump into that editing schedule again, but if I don’t write a billion pages, it will probably be easier on me. Meh. More about that in the next entry, I guess.

4) Anticlimax — I think that time where the joy and surrealism at having published a novel with a traditional publisher has passed me. I was reading a blog entry by S.D. Perry on the dreaded Goodreads and she mentioned something like this. She has written very good novelizations of the Resident Evil games (if you’re even a marginal fan of the games, I recommend picking up your favorite corresponding book and going from there. I have enjoyed every one I have read).

Recently she wrote what I believe is her first original novel and she wrote an entry that I could not agree with more. She was talking about how her novel being published didn’t change the world, it didn’t change her, and things just sort of went on like they always had. She mentioned that she’s not suddenly a bestseller or a millionaire and, really, nothing significant changed for her.

I feel the same. I didn’t expect any of these things to happen to me, but neither did I expect this nothingness. I have physical copies of my novel on my counter ready to send to my best friend and my uncle. I have my own copy on my bookshelf. And while this last does give me a bit of a tingle, there’s really nothing else. I feel an accomplishment, I don’t have this demon hovering over me, pushing me to write more all the time or to send the novel to another agent. But nothing in my day to day life has changed as a result of this novel which I am so very proud of.

It’s a tremendously odd feeling of anticlimax that I did not expect. I think that’s why writers quit or jump right into the next project. There’s a high while writing or editing or waiting for your novel to be published. The dip after the newness has worn off and the next thing gets going is a dull, gray nothingness, a valley after the heights of accomplishment. I seem to be making my home in said valley, I think.

*shrug* I will deal. I always do.

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~ by Darren Endymion on October 17, 2013.

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