I Did it Again

Anyone remember all my babbling about working on a new writing project to make the transition easier? How it took me so long after Winter’s Trial was finished and published to get into the mood to write again? How I didn’t want to fall into that rut after my new project was finished? How, as someone who wants to write as more than just a hobby, I should — you know — actually DO it more? Remember all that?

Yeah, I failed.

I turned in my dreaded marketing form for my short anthology story “The Snow Queen” on Thursday and experienced that floating, empty feeling again. “When the hell am I doing? Don’t I have something due? There’s got to be a deadline or something. Something with work? Taxes? No…what the hell is it?”

Nope, nothing. I have nothing due. No little sources of nebulous anxiety or fun hovering overhead. And so, I realized in a roundabout way that I have done it again, despite my hopes not to.

However, if there is a difference, it is that the thought of beginning something, of going through this process again, of starting over, did not fill me with dread. This time was pleasant, smooth, and as easy as it could have been. I know that a short story for an anthology isn’t the undertaking or deserving of the attention a novel could produce, but this whole experience makes me want to slap the hell out of myself for not writing more. Writing and editing doesn’t have to hurt.

In fact, I am beginning to think that it shouldn’t. There are subject matters that will hurt, situations that will be hard, and criticism from several sides, but the act should remain unpolluted. I think that was the most valuable lesson I learned this time. Combine them and I can now get through the tough stuff and enjoy everything. If the first was supposed to be the hardest, then the second was bliss.

Regardless, I’ll bet that I don’t wait so long to get into my next project. *looking at the notes I already have* Maybe less than even I think.

Here’s hoping I don’t do it AGAIN. haha.

~ by Darren Endymion on April 7, 2014.

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