T = Telekinesis (A-Z Challenge)

Telekinesis — Also known as psychokinesis. The ability to move objects by mental power.

I have a very loving, wonderful, caring, evil, criminally smart geek friend with whom I have watched nearly every major super hero movie that has come out for the past 5+ years. Her constant refrain, exclaimed at the most random of moments, is, “I want POWERS!” Everyone who knows her has told her no, absolutely not, as though we could grant or deny her request through committee. We deny this request for the same reason she’s not allowed to have a shotgun: the carnage would be too great to bear.

Dark Phoenix

When watching these movies (over and over and over), we have constantly asked ourselves what powers we would want. Super speed? Boring. (Quicksilver had better be good or well done, or I will be singularly unimpressed.) Super strength? Yawn. It’s common. Wings? I would pass, my friend wants them…large ones…and unless they are like Maleficent’s wings in the trailers, I couldn’t care less. Angel of the X-Men was boring until he became Archangel.

I used to love Kitty Pryde’s ability to phase ghost-like through solid objects. But, it’s a bit limited and I could do with something more direct. For me, I think I would want Mystique’s shapeshifting powers if I was denied my first choice: Jean Grey’s telekinesis. I don’t need to be Dark Phoenix or even Phoenix, but ever since I was a young kid and read Carrie, telekinesis has been by far my favorite power.

jeeeaaaannnn

I’ll take the telepathy, too, but I fear I would turn into the White Queen/Emma Frost and use my powers for evil all day, every day. Sure, I may visit murder trials and make a few scum suckers confess all the details of their crimes, but I would probably be largely unscrupulous. I would be the Catwoman of telepaths — walking the line between good and evil. I don’t know that I would want that. However, Psylocke? If you add the ninja to the telepathy? I’m there. Of course, Psylocke eventually got telekinesis, but that was just a cheap attempt to make the hottest X-Men character even more powerful. So, we shall ignore that.

Psylocke, before and after her mind was transferred into the body of a ninja. Don't ask. Just admire.

Psylocke, before and after her mind was transferred into the body of a ninja. Don’t ask. Just admire.

I’m actually a very shy person when in situations I’m not familiar or comfortable with. One thing that helps, however odd it is, is to imagine, if I had strong telekinesis, how I would clear the anxiety-inducing area out. I have read Stephen King’s Carrie more than 10 times (it’s a short book. Don’t judge me.) I only ever felt sorry for her. And envious.

Also, since I am like Hannibal Lecter in that pointless discourtesy is unspeakably ugly to me, rude people would find that karma was swift and merciless.

— The hot gay bartender who gave my friend a snotty, judgmental look for no reason? Guess who’s getting telekinetically tripped when he tries to go up that step.

— The condescending dickbag at work who throws everyone under the bus, usually using total lies and the fact that his nose is usually shoved to the root in his manager’s ass? “Wow! I’ve never seen a chair just collapse like that! How much weight HAVE you put on?”

— The annoying fast food worker who rolls her eyes and throws someone’s money at them because she’s WAY too good? Fryer burns hurt, bitch. Maybe you should start being nicer when you’re out of recovery.

— The asshole who makes a left turn mere inches in front of a pedestrian or honks at an elderly woman for walking “too slow”? Picked up and gently placed at the back of the turning line.

— Groups of teenagers who hog the sidewalk and refuse to budge? Bowling pins, bitches.

That’s not to say that I would be all evil or vengeful (though I think my code name would be Karma, thank you). When I was very, very young my mother and I were in San Francisco visiting my uncle. Some guy ran past, snatched this woman’s purse, and bolted past us. My mother grabbed me out of the way. My uncle tore off, tripped the man, grabbed the purse, and detained the attempted thief until the cops got there. The cops said that was very dangerous, but thanked my uncle for his service. The woman did, too.

I remember thinking then — I couldn’t have been older than 7 — that I wished I could have just put up a magic, invisible wall right in front of the thief, making him run right into it. My uncle’s method was great, but too physical and too dangerous. Conjuring a magic wall from a distance was obviously the best solution. That was my first conscious, remembered thought of telekinesis. And it hasn’t stopped since then. I would fight crime and rude people with equal vigor.

Random picture of Jean Grey as Marvel Girl. Just because.

Random picture of Jean Grey as Marvel Girl. Just because.

There aren’t many male telekinetics of any note. There is Hellion, Julian Keller, some other guy I can’t remember, and the guys from the movie Chronicle. It was always disappointing to me. As a small kid in love with super heroes, I was never the physical type. My uncle’s method didn’t work for me. So, I admired the women or the guys with mental powers like Professor X. This has not changed.

You can imagine how excited I was with the second X-Men movie, X2, when Jean Grey showed signs of the Phoenix Force.

I literally had chills.

I literally had chills.

I thought, “Awesome. That’s all I need. It means that they are going to do the Phoenix Saga. Life is good. I can be content with this movie and wait for the next.” X2 was amazing. Had I known how awful the next movie, X-Men: The Last Stand would be, I would have been less excited. The Last Stand was squandered potential, random deaths, and a few good scenes. It was a travesty, however, if you consider the Dark Phoenix story. It was made by someone who seemed to hate super heroes, the X-men, and specifically the Phoenix with a very dark passion.

With the recent movie, which came out today, X-Men: Days of Future Past, it seems that Brian Singer has set things right. I will not be seeing the movie until Sunday, but I’m very excited. Because of this movie, might we eventually see Jean Grey again? One can hope. But the important thing is that the series lives on.

And maybe the Phoenix will rise again.

Alternate letter considerations: Thug, Teleportation, Telepathy, Time travel.

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~ by Darren Endymion on May 23, 2014.

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