V = Vituperative (A-Z Challenge)

As a warning, I’m phoning this one in. It’s going to be pathetic, weak, a retread of shit I’ve already talked about, and probably nonsensical because my stupid friend got me sick. (Since he will be reading this, I want to pass on a message: I know where you sleep, shitpig). I was going to do Valkyrie Profile, one of my absolute favorite games EVER. I was going to keep it brief, talk about my second favorite character (Jelanda, the spoiled princess with Misty’s voice from Pokémon). It deserves focus, attention, care, and love. Instead, I am going to talk about my new favorite word: vituperative.

vi·tu·per·a·tive

adjective: vituperative

  1. bitter and abusive.

“the criticism soon turned into a vituperative attack”

I first heard/read this word in the book Misery, by Stephen King. Paul Sheldon was reading through Annie Wilkes’ scrapbook (my favorite part of the book, for some reason), and he was thinking that she culled the most hateful and awful commentary from the ongoing trial — kind of like reading the comments on just about ANY article online, especially Yahoo. Those, like the articles Annie was clipping and saving, which “were vituperative by any standard” and only went to enforce Annie’s “jaundiced view of mankind.” vituperative-1

Since looking it up, I have used the word often, including in my second, most recent release, The Snow Queen. Forgive the random plug, My head is full of snot. *glaring at the Outbreak Monkey who got me sick* I used it twice. I like the feeling the word has in my mouth and head. (Don’t ask; I don’t understand it, either.)

I used it in real life not too long ago. Ever have one of those awful coworkers or “friends” who is universally seen as difficult? I have one of those at work. I outrank her and she hates it. Some of the people on my team have expressed that, were this harpy to have my position, they would quit immediately. She’s fun in the way being dragged on your ass through a mile of cactus needles would be enjoyable.

Out of a team of 10, at least half of us were not speaking to her. She wanted something immediately. I told her I would get to it in a moment; I was in the middle of something. She told me she wanted it “NOW.” I said, “You’ll get it when I’m done.” She informed me I didn’t know who I was talking to — which was fair, since she seems to change personalities from moment to moment, each worse than the last. She came over to my desk and started berating me, saying I was only being like that because our other team mates were. I told her she was obviously right, that there couldn’t possibly be any other reason, and that I was doing it just to be cool.

"Stop everything you're doing and pay attention to me NOOOOW! KAAAAW!"

“Stop everything you’re doing and pay attention to me NOOOOW! KAAAAW!”

The boss stopped her, eventually talked to her, told her that if she acted crazy like that again (it’s like the third time) that she would be transferred and written up. I immediately sent an e-mail to the team members she specifically mentioned and formally requested permission to join the Cool Club they had clearly formed without my knowledge.

*blowing my nose hard enough to pop my ears*

They granted me permission to enter, and as my membership fee, I had to recruit another and come up with a way to best describe the Beast. I recruited three others, one of whom called me a saint for not leaping to her head like an Alien face-hugger and destroying her soul. I then sent them my new favorite word: VITUPERATIVE.

It fits. They complained that they couldn’t pronounce it, so I helped them with it. I’m a giver like that. We cackled and joked and made an uncomfortable, ugly situation amusing and, in an odd way, a team-building experience. It was like the “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” for us. We laughed, we danced, and we were precocious. She has been largely silent and withdrawn since then. Victory on all fronts.

Us.

Us.

As for me, I am going to go spray some Vicks nasal decongestant (sweet gods, I actually wrote “nasal deconjester” at first and couldn’t understand why it looked bad — what would that be? A court Fool who picks your nose for you? Yet, I spelled the freekin’ Mary Poppins word right on the first try.) into my cranium, eat Advil like Skittles, and try not to die. Or be dramatic. At least I can do the first one.

*faint* Sorry for the ass-sucking post. Now, to plan my revenge on the Plague-Bringer. I have a waste basket full of soggy, used tissues, and no qualms about using them.

Alternate letter considerations: Valkyrie Profile *glare, honk, sneeze*, Vipers (as in poisonous snakes), Viper (as in the comic book villain).

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~ by Darren Endymion on May 26, 2014.

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