X = Xenomorph (A-Z Challenge)

A Xenomorph is a mineral that didn’t develop its typical crystal form because it was a late bloomer and got stuck between two other crystals. However, that’s as boring as all hell unless you are a geologist or desperately trying to reinvent Final Fantasy. You could, for instance, want to make up a “negative” crystal, housed in a hell-like underworld, which acts rather like dark matter and destroys all the good crystals. The main protagonist would be from this world, have a xenomorph form, go to the world above, and fall in love or destroy humanity. Whatever’s on the agenda for Final Fantasy CLXVIII or whatever the hell number they’re at now. I just made that up; SquareEnix, you can contact me here for further conceptual ideas and to begin sending me my goddamned checks. That’s why they call me a writer-ish…who is not using any of his talents.

No, the Xenomorph we are interested in for today is from the Alien franchise, and it is one scary mutha.

Alien_vs._Predator_(2004)_-_Alien

According to Wikipedia, the Xenomorph are an “endoparasitoid extraterrestrial species” which are the primary antagonist of the Alien movies. According to Ellen Ripley, they should be nuked from orbit, blasted out of the goddamned airlock, have their egg chutes blown into gooey jelly, and otherwise be annihilated from this (or any other) planet. They start life as an egg which then hatches into a face-hugger. The face-hugger attaches itself to a host (not always human), and implants an embryo of sorts, after which the face-hugger dies.

A concept drawing from the Alien movies. I agree with Ripley.

A concept drawing from the Alien movies. I agree with Ripley.

Now, the pointlessly contemplative idiot in me wants to know: does the face-hugger transfer its consciousness into the embryo, or does it just die, only existing as a second mother? If the face-hugger is the real middle-man for maturity, then the Queen is sort of a medium, important, but part of a two-mother system. Since I think the Queen is so badass, I therefore prefer to believe (about this fictional creation) that the face-hugger’s consciousness is transferred into the embryo, which then gestates and erupts from the unwilling host’s chest cavity.

Hell,no.

Hell,no.

They then mature into a terrifying creature rather like a dick perched on a burned ribcage. Their little alien heads will snap out and eat through your skull. (Side note: My friend and I are convinced that humans have these, and they will snap out when our restraint is challenged.) The movies are about some company trying to use the Xenomorphs as a weapon. Specifically, they search for a Queen so they can use her to make more and more.

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And to terrorize everything ever.

And to terrorize everything ever.

They are terrifying, scary, strong, and totally badass. They are pure malice. Even synthetic persons admire their purity. They are the vehicle for Ellen Ripley to kick the ass of everything in the universe.

And to say this line.

And to say this line.

By now, you might have noticed that most of the Xenomorph sketches and design choices are rather sexual in nature. This was very prominent in the art of H.R. Giger. Even some of the movie sets look like giant vaginas. The Aliens look like dicks penetrating into air. The face-hugger looks like spider fingers on a ball sack. Unfortunately, as you can see in the picture above, it looks like there is a wavering dick on the face-hugger, too. From the front view, the dick has a vagina instead of a head. It’s all very disturbing. Then again, what would you expect from a man who did this:

Please trust me that this is one of the less sexual ones. By far.

Please trust me that this is one of the less sexual ones. By far.

P.S. Yeah, I’m feeling quite a bit better. That may have led to me going a little picture-crazy. Enjoy.

Alternate letter considerations: Xenophobia (specifically HIV stigma), X-Men (see my Telekinesis entry. I’ve seen the movie and it’s awesome!).

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~ by Darren Endymion on May 28, 2014.

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