For Love of He-Man

Because of the weird week I have had, I am going back to a simpler time…a time when I was a kid and obsessed with He-Man. I could be common and discuss the homoeroticism involved with He-Man and the line of toys.

But why go the easy route?

But why go the easy route?

I can talk about the fact that I also wanted She-Ra toys, but my overly religious parents wouldn’t let me have them because they were “dolls”. Those of you who have been around a while may think you’ve read wrong. You haven’t. My mother would rather let me read Stephen King’s ‘Salem’s lot as a fifth grader than let me play with She-Ra. Why? Because she had hair you could comb and that very act would turn me gay.

Funny, I thought it was my desire to lick this man that made me gay.

Funny, I thought it was my desire to lick this man that made me gay.

I was allowed to have the She-Ra villains, though. They were mostly boys. My aunt, aware of the hypocrisy of my mother (and not giving a shit if I liked men or not), went out and got me the gayest She-Ra action figure available to her evil, apparently gay-inducing, plotting mind.

Evidence.

Evidence.

So, as an adult gay male who never got to even watch much She-Ra (or to lick the above Brazilian model), I brought the DVD set of both He-Man and She-Ra.

Ah, bless them and bless us idiot kids for being into a cartoon which had about three animated actions for each character — laughing, punching, and running. Maybe flipping or somersaulting for the action characters. As a kid, I didn’t notice. Didn’t care. Couldn’t care. I was too busy pretending I was on Eternia hanging with Prince Adam or He-Man, going to weapons training with Teela, riding Battle Cat, or outsmarting Skeletor (which, if the cartoon was any indication, a special needs, half-eaten shellfish could do).

The show was lame, cheesy, homoerotic, good fun. As a kid, I didn’t care about the lack of clothes, steroidal pecs, rampant man-flesh, overuse of the stock footage, or ridiculous plot devices. I wasn’t aware of the supposedly anti-religious images my (different) crazy aunt was ranting about. Something about Skeletor’s staff; Zodac, perpetrator of paganistic astrology, and Castle Greyskull. The Sorceress, ironically, was of little concern.

Heathen Mirror Magic

Heathen Mirror Magic

But it takes me back and makes me happy. And so I shall watch it. Even She-Ra.

Update: The two heart attack patients mentioned last week are doing better. One was less severe and is back home. The other will recover. Neither, I imagine, will do anything the doctors told them to. It was a very stressful weekend.

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~ by Darren Endymion on June 23, 2014.

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