I Have Nothing

I’m not talking Whitney Houston here, people. I have spent this weekend watching documentaries (the ones I mentioned I wanted to watch in preparation for my next writing project, and then some), meditating (not about writing), and playing Disgaea D2 so that I have nothing to talk about other than those things. So…what the hell?

The documentaries were about, well, Life After People (hint: that’s the name of one of the documentaries). There’s a series, too, which I plan to check out. The others were about the apocalypse, the Tower of London, and I think I snuck one in there about serial killers, though it has nothing to do with anything. I also watched Blackfish this past week, though that has nothing to do with anything. Terrible. Seriously. I could write a whole post about that. I also watched a bit of anime.

The documentaries had the desired effect, though. They were disparate, incohesive, and generally had nothing to do with one another. But I took something from each documentary and they all fueled my imagination while teaching me some stuff. I’m a documentary nerd, so it wasn’t as dull as it may sound. For me.

The meditation was very calming. (Duh, right?) It was something I needed to sort of put things in perspective. Life has been very difficult lately, from the health scare to being taken for granted by a close friend to work drama to just about anything. I even busted out an old Buddhist meditation I got from a book by Sharon Salzberg, titled Lovingkindness. It was about regaining balance in my life, and I meditated a few times. It helped, and I can still remember the affirmation phrases:

May I be free from danger. May I have mental happiness. May I have physical happiness. May I live with ease.

Repeated in the back (or the front) of the mind when relaxing and calming oneself, it helps provide equanimity. It was exactly what I needed.

Finally, I finished Disgaea D2. I gave in to the DLC hype. I got…well, more than a couple. Yet I don’t regret a single one. If you have played any Disgaea games, you know that the real game begins after you have defeated it. There are too many things to do. I need to balance my Disgaea time with my writing time, because I have one more step before actually starting the writing.

Still, this story idea seems potentially very big. I’m a little scared, and I think I’m stalling, honestly. Because every time you sit down to write, you know that it will never come out just the way you want. You are not a writing god; nobody is. But you have to make do with what you have.  And all you can do is the best you can do.

Sometimes I think that one of the bravest thing a writer can do is to begin.


~ by Darren Endymion on July 21, 2014.

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