Sailor Moon Crystal ep 1-04, Masquerade Dance Party

What the hell was up with Date-Rape Rohypnol-Action Tuxedo Mask? This isn’t Sleeping Beauty, people! Sailor Moon was passed out at a party and Tuxedo Mask thought it appropriate to literally lay on top of her and kiss her until Virginity Alarm Luna with her Cock-Blocking Nut-Crush action went off on him. Yes, we all know they were romantical a billion years in the past and that next season their daughter from the future will come back in time to pester them. But they don’t know that yet. They are attracted to each other, they feel something is odd about the other, but that doesn’t justify trying to get cozy with some girl in a short skirt who is passed out on a bench, guys.

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I’m sure all the Twilight people thought it was adorable, the same way they thought that breaking into someone’s room at night and just watching someone sleep wasn’t creepy. You know how that usually ends? Not in romance, people. It ends in rape, death, media coverage, and a terrible, tragic funeral. We need to watch more Stalked and Solved: Extreme Forensics, apparently.

That aside, this was a good episode.

I like that they are keeping the transformations static, yet changing the attacks from time to time. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it at first, but I like it now. I do hope that some take the time to get into a full, fleshed out, elongated attacks. However, it does sort of make sense.

One of my favorite attacks from the original anime was Moon Spiral Heart Attack and its Super Sailor Moon follow up. However, it took 45 minutes to warm up that attack. By that time the enemy could have dozed off, ordered and eaten sushi, and wandered out of the line of fire, forcing Sailor Moon to blast some unaware passing toddler with what I can only assume were razor-sharp heart blades followed by a massive wall fashioned in the form of a heart. These are attacks, and part of making them effective is that they need to happen quickly or they miss. If the boulder in Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark was going at 0.005 miles an hour, the scene would lose some of its intensity.

Shouting the name of the attack is also something I miss in these quickie attacks, but I understand that it’s like saying, “Hey! Hey! Pay attention! I’m about to attack you!” At least we will always have Sailor Moon, who shouts and makes a huge production out of everything. Sailor Mars is apparently a ninja and will just shoot you in the ass with her Fire Soul attack before you have time to say, “It’s getting a little warm in here.”

The meat of the episode was that basically Melvin/Umino put on a wig and decided to be a princess for a week. That’s pretty much what this princess looked like. She was possessed by Nephlyte, who thought she had the Silver Crystal. Sailor Moon — who forgot her old tiara after helping burn Jaedite (who survived) — gets a newer, prettier tiara and attack presumably made from the Rohypnol that Tuxedo Mask slipped her when they touched at the dance. Shortly after attacking Nephlyte’s shadow thing, Sailor Moon became sleepy, eventually passing out from the aforementioned date rape drug.

As Ami and Rei abandon an unconscious Sailor Moon to the clutches of an overly amorous, Kissy-Face Tuxedo Mask, the un-possessed princess reveals this giant jewel (spoiler: NOT the Silver Crystal) which looks like a bloated Lewis Carroll knockoff, leaving everyone to think, “They carved a giant jewel into THAT pig in a wig?”

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~ by Darren Endymion on August 21, 2014.

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