New Year, No Plans, Near Misses

Since it is still better for me to not say where I work, I will continue to say that I work in a pig launching factory. From the very first day of January all through the beginning of April is a time of hideous, unrelenting business for me and my team. Perhaps people want to launch pigs for the new year; I can’t be certain. Unfortunately, this means that I haven’t truly celebrated New Year’s in many, many years. It usually consists of one long nap after work, looking at the time, saying my resolutions to myself, and going right to bed, because I have to tend to the tottering reports of pig launchings the next day.

Consequently, this week is somewhat annoying. Since I am still single, *glaring at Prince Scientist* while others are out there getting kissed on the stroke of midnight, I’m lucky to get one by March. And even then, it’s more likely to be some stray dog licking me for the salt. (It’s been a very dry period. Forgive my bitterness.)

But this year I don’t plan to go out like that. This year, even if I have to work 10 hour days, 5 days a week (which is what next week looks like), I will do something with my life. I will see my friends. I will not sleep through January and watch depressing documentaries just so I can see that other people have had it much worse. I plan to do something, even if it’s low key. Chores won’t be tossed off until the weekend, thus tainting it, too. And, if this week goes well, I may have a scientist to dote upon.

Today, determined to set something up, I guessed when Prince Scientist  would come in and went to the break room, ostensibly to fill my water cup, but actually to catch him in the hall. I missed him by 3 minutes, and he was going the opposite way so that he would come down MY aisle. On break, he gave me side eye as he passed. For lunch, he ditched his friends and passed down my aisle alone. Unfortunately, I was on the other side, helping a coworker. Damn! Coming back from lunch, he once again came up my aisle, but he was early and I wasn’t expecting him for another 10 minutes. I was hidden from view and he didn’t see me until too late. No side eye, not even a look so I could say hi. Arrrrgh! If I have one more near-miss, you will have to hear about this again on the news.

Now, I had vowed to not talk about this crap anymore and said as much to a few friends. Maybe it’s the female demographic or something, but I was told that this whole thing is “so cute it’s almost sickening”. It was seconded by two other people. I thought it was just sickening. As he is an overly educated professional and we are in a professional environment, I want to be as discreet as possible. If I asked him out in front of the other scientists, I risk embarrassing him and getting rebuffed accordingly. As we see, timing is everything, and could reduce it all to nothing.

The time is now. Fuck being shy. I don’t care anymore. I’ll get the butterflies, I’ll be nervous, I’ll maybe even choke a little, but I’m going to talk to him. If I can only get him alone. I’m changing tactics. A dear friend of mine recently told me that I’m one of the strongest people he’s met. I was tempted to ask if he spent his life in an Asylum for the Cowardly (run by Sister Jude?), but I took the compliment. It’s time to show that goddamned strength, then.

If all goes well, my new year may start as something more than a series of (hopefully) longing sideways glances and may be something more. If not…well, I’ll survive. But that’s hardly romantic, is it?

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~ by Darren Endymion on December 29, 2014.

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