Sailor Moon Crystal ep 01-12 — Queen Metallia

I have to admit, this episode kicked a supreme amount of ass. It picks up right where the last one left off, with Queen Beryl confronting the Sailor Scouts in the supposedly secret lair (no thanks to Jupiter). Speaking of, Jupiter finally joins the fight, the Scouts all make shields to protect everyone, and Mercury learns the Time Warp. She transports them all to some different dimension, where Queen Beryl begins to look crazier than Annabelle the possessed doll making love to Captain Howdy.

Beryl takes a trick out of Kaorinite’s book and wraps the Sailor Scouts in her hair (was I the only one hoping she had washed that mane recently?). This is where I started getting chills which didn’t stop until Sailor Moon ran away with Endymion. Venus tells Beryl that she finally pushed her too far and she’s pissed off. Venus summons the Moon Sword and should have given Queen Beryl a pixie cut with everything she chopped off, but Beryl is apparently the spokeswoman for Rogaine for women, and comes back with flowing waves from her murderous follicles.

Sailor Moon grabs the sword, Venus does her Venus Love Me Chain, Mars burns the hell out of Beryl’s hand, and Sailor Moon destroys the source of Queen Beryl’s power…her goddamned necklace. That may be the gayest thing I have ever written. “My power is in my jewelry!” *prance*

Sailor Moon runs after Endymion and they fight. Sailor Moon tries her Moon Healing Escalation, which has absolutely no effect. Meanwhile, the other Scouts run into their homo ex-boyfriends, Jadeite, Nephlyte, Zoicite, and Kunzite/Malachite. They bring them back to their senses, not with the power of love, but with the memory of their hot, male ex-boss. I am telling you, they were Darien/Mamoru’s playthings. Apparently, Endymion was Henry III of France. (Trust me; that was funny.) Darien’s old grab bag of man candy all recover their memories…in time to be murdered by Queen Metallia. The Scouts start to cry, but hear the voices of the dead and take that as a good sign to press forward.

Sailor Moon hears voices in her head and appears to commit murder-suicide to free Endymion from his pain. She is apparently a complete sociopath, but she’s cute, so we ignore it by mutual consent.

And that’s where the episode ends. *confetti*

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~ by Darren Endymion on January 1, 2015.

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