Seasonal Lists

I read a book a long, long time ago that was babbling on and on about building confidence in yourself and something it called constructive will. Essentially, it gave an exercise where you would make a weekly list of one item per day that you would finish no matter what. It said you should start simple and go from there. Doing that, you would gain confidence in yourself and learn to take more and bigger tasks.

I haven’t stopped doing it since.

The constructive will thing doesn’t matter much to me anymore (though it probably should), and I rarely get everything done on my lists. It does show me where my weaknesses are, though, and through that I have learned to overcome them. For instance, I HATE calling anywhere. I worked in a call center on the phones, and since that time, the idea of calling anyone for anything is repugnant. For the longest time, I would put off calling anywhere for anything, and those were the things which would remain on my weekly lists for weeks and weeks — as long as I could put it off, I would.

I have overcome that by determinedly forcing myself to make those calls. I have forced myself through this process to get more done and to complete more things to spur myself onward.

Another thing I have noticed is that it is difficult for me to get a schedule for anything down. I try to start a writing schedule and realize it’s my next big challenge.

This all progressed to the point where I make seasonal lists and try to wrap the tasks, books, video games, etc. around the theme of that season. The cut offs are a little arbitrary, but my Spring List is being formed and will go from March to the end of May. I always feel a sense of compulsion when I get to the end and a sense of renewal when I start. I make a list with little boxes next to the task and then check them off as I complete the tasks.

Why am I divulging this? Because it motivates me to talk about it, and maybe it will help others. After I knuckle out a synopsis of a writing project, I transfer the big parts to this list and mark them off as I go. it helps me to see the changes, what I planned, and to look forward to writing that next X. It’s a strange motivator.

The other reason I am mentioning this is because of avoidance. There are all sorts of things going on in my life right now, and I have once again found myself hearing something like, “It can be nothing at all…or death” from a doctor. Focusing on the positive and that sense of renewal helps me to not obsess. It also goes toward proving my last entry. Sometimes you are just in the right place for some awful shit to happen — I have good insurance and a network of good friends to help me through what could be everything or nothing. I wouldn’t have any of this if I had moved…and it makes me wonder if it’s all a good move anyway. But now isn’t the time to think about that. The stress is too near to make a clear headed decision.

I may spill it later, but this was my half-assed attempt at distracting myself. Maybe I should put THAT on my list. hahaha.

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~ by Darren Endymion on February 26, 2015.

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