Avoiding What’s Good for You

It’s true, I do avoid what’s good for me. That comes as no shock to anyone who has read even one post about me, but it bears repeating.

Some may remember that I have had problems walking because I have been severely out of alignment, causing me to hobble around in pain. It’s being fixed (finally), but the way I was walking for about 10 months caused my legs and hip muscles to weaken. Since I have been seeing a chiropractor and the massage therapist he employs, they both have been giving me exercises to do, such as walking, balance exercises, some gentle squats, etc. I have not done them. I walked a few times, but not many. I know I need to build up those muscles. I know it’s helping me. But I avoid it.

There are going to be setbacks, too. Since it’s supposed to actually rain here in Southern California for the next two days, I figured I would go out for a walk last night, and my roommate came with. We were talking, I wasn’t paying attention, I kicked a piece of upturned pavement, and went down. I fell on my hands and knees. Now, had I been walking more, I would have kicked it, maybe stumbled, and righted myself. Oops. My palms are bruised, believe it or not. It’s an odd and totally unpleasant situation.

It may be good for me to talk to Prince Scientist. The opportunities don’t present themselves often, so I do the bare minimum, hiding behind a shield of cowardice and excuses. When I do see him, I get too shy to speak, or something odd happens. Then again…I saw him today. We made eye contact as I was passing the room he was in as part of a pot luck. (My first thought was, “Oh my god, he’s even cute when he’s eating!” And no, I’m not a teenage girl. I’m a male adult. I have no excuse for my brain.) I know what I SHOULD do…

I should also write more. Remember that family tree I was writing out for the new story I’m working on? I should have known, but it got bloated and probably irrelevant. I should just get over it, drop it, and write what I need to. I should focus on the character sketches and the plot structure. I changed some things in the time line up. I know that if I wrote it out, I would get enthusiastic about the whole project again. But I’m not and I don’t.

It would be good for my state of mind to fill out the marketing form for the new short story I have coming out in an anthology, just to get it over with. I could send it off and forget about it. There isn’t much to do, frankly. But it’s a pain, so I don’t.

I could pull up more examples, but who needs them? Laziness, fear, time constraints, napping, video games, lying around and listening to music and zoning out all sound SO much better. Even if the latter can be a big part of my creative process, when zoning out becomes the object and not inspiration, I know I’m on the wrong track.

I know we all do this, we’re all guilty…but I seem to do it all the time. With everything. I feel like Alice’s song in Disney’s Alice in Wonderland.

“I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it. That explains the trouble I’m always in…”


~ by Darren Endymion on May 14, 2015.

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