Biopsy Results

My appointment was on Friday the 19th to find out what, if anything, they found through the bone marrow biopsy and the blood tests. Leukemia or no leukemia? It was a rough day.

My roommate has been kind enough to cart me around to my various appointments since I don’t drive and with my leg, getting off the bus can be perilous and painful. Unfortunately, he had a banquet that day and wouldn’t be able to take me. I found this out on Tuesday. Luckily, another friend had nothing on his work calendar for that time and could take me.

He picked me up from work and we went right to the doctor’s office. I thought, “Oh good, we’re a little early. Maybe I can be seen early and I won’t have to wait as long as I did before.”

Wrong.

I got taken into the little room fairly quickly, leaving my friend outside in the waiting room. That’s when the nerves hit. I tried deep breathing and it didn’t work. I tried distracting myself and THAT didn’t work. I was a mess. The nurse came in and took my blood pressure while I warned her that I was horribly nervous and it would be high.

She said, “It’s nerves. Nobody wants to go into oncology.” Then her eyes widened a little. My blood pressure was about 140/105. Yeah. That high. She offered to come and take my blood pressure after, claiming that once people get good news, their blood pressure drops right away. I said that would be fine while thinking that when my appointment was over, I just wanted the fuck out of there.

I waited in that room for an hour. No exaggeration.

I heard the doctor in the room next to me, speaking gravely with an older-sounding woman. I heard another doctor making a call to one of her patients saying that they wanted to run more tests. My anxiety got worse. I could feel it in my throat, which was a weird feeling. The nurse came by, started, all but shoved an old woman into her room and said, “You’re still HERE?!” to me. She told the old woman, “I have to go get the doctor. This patient has been waiting a really long time.”

Eventually the doctor made his way into my room. His demeanor, his tone, his body language were all different. He was chipper. Gone was the solemn tone from the room next to me. He was in there for 10 minutes.

I’m fine. They found nothing. No leukemia, no signs of mutation, no anomalies in my blood, nothing. My liver enzymes are a little high, but they always are. That’s about it. I was so relieved that it seemed as though someone had taken out my skeleton and most of my muscles. I think I have been powered by nerves and tension for the last 5-6 months. I felt weak. I thought I had a better handle on it (I’m sure my friends would say otherwise), but as much as I let outside, there was infinitely more worry on the inside. Logically, you can know that there’s little chance of something terrible happening, but there’s always that fear.

I took my friend out to dinner and to coffee after. I could feel the physical aftermath of my blood pressure spike. I went home, watched Jurassic Park, and went to bed. I text my supervisor and asked if I could take Monday off. He said yes, so I return to work tomorrow after a day of relaxation.

I have no desk. (Stick with me; it’s related). I tossed my old one out when I moved into a small room. I realized that sitting at a desk is a lot easier than using a laptop on my actual lap when I write. My dramatic, fatalist sentiments told me that there was no point in getting even a roll away desk if I was going to have to undergo chemotherapy or something equally exhausting that would prevent me from writing much. I promised myself that if everything turned out okay from my tests, I would get a small, compact, mobile computer cart that would fit in my tiny ass room. I already have it picked out.

And now it’s time to order it.

 

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~ by Darren Endymion on June 22, 2015.

2 Responses to “Biopsy Results”

  1. Glad it is not cancer.

    • Thank you. So am I. I’ve had loved ones pass from different types of cancer and it’s one of the worst diseases imaginable.

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