Not Today, Folks

I’m gonna be all over the place today.

I spent the weekend with my dear friends celebrating a late birthday and we ate a whole lot. I’ve been afraid of meatloaf for years. As I’ve discussed before, my mother was a terrible, awful, wretched cook. Her meatloaf was like my grandmother’s goulash — a weapon of mass disgusting. My aunts and uncles suffer from the same curse. I don’t know how far back that curse goes, but all I can assume is that our line was cursed by a troll for stealing its gold brassiere or something. What a troll would have to do with cooking is beyond me, but I’m working with very little wit at the moment.

My mother’s meatloaf had gray gelatinous-like bits hidden inside,  which I assume started life as oats or something. When I was young and didn’t know any better, I wanted her to teach me how to cook. She never did…and I’m incredibly grateful for that. This weekend my friend made meatloaf and it was so good that I would have had seconds. I discussed my mother’s gray porkchops as I raved about the yummy meatloaf, and my friend’s wife almost crapped herself. Apparently, she’s making me non-gray porkchops some time soon.

My mother worked off instincts and her own mother’s tutelage. She should have followed a goddamned recipe. I have been afraid that I am working with the same familial curse that plagues my mother’s side of the family and not trusting my instincts. My ex taught me a few things about how to cook, and that was great, and I learned to not be intimidated, but still doubted my instincts.

My cousin called tonight as I was teaching myself how to cook and shred a chicken boob, and she was telling me how she had to unlearn everything taught to her about cooking. We talked for a while and she told me that my instincts were pretty good based on what I was already doing. I chatted with my ex and he echoed that sentiment.

That being said, I got a few tips and tricks…but there is one thing I won’t try again any time soon because it was so good, I lost all sense of control or dignity. My friend tried a new recipe this weekend, and I’ve pasted a similar one below (check out all this woman’s stuff. Pad See Ew to carnitas to other yummyness). I ate SO much. My friend included green onions, sauteed white onions, roasted garlic, and apparently sixteen gallons of oil. (He followed a different recipe than the one below. While it was good, I recommend following the one I’ve linked to. Your stomach will thank you.)

The recipe (this woman is amazing):

I ate enough to where I felt sick, even the next day. My friend made a version that was infinitely greasier than what this recipe calls for, so check this one out and try it. Then move over to the  carnitas or Pad See Ew (my advice is to avoid substituting hoisin sauce and using regular soy sauce instead of the sweeter stuff. Mine was too sweet and required some adjusting to get it to the right flavor.

During all this I didn’t trust my instincts and the food I was making for tonight turned out…okay. But I got a bunch of new cooking tricks to try and I can’t wait to do so.

I don’t know where I was going with this entry, honestly. My cousin didn’t call to give me cooking advice and encouragement, but rather to deliver some pretty devastating news. This…cooking and babbling and not thinking about it is how I’m dealing for now. I should be better off by Thursday.

If anyone read this far, take from it the links I posted here and try pretty much everything this talented cook Nagi has to offer.


~ by Darren Endymion on September 21, 2015.

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