Is This Week Over Yet?

This has been one of those weeks you almost wish you could do over, but wouldn’t for fear that it would turn out the same way.

Ate too much over the weekend. Not only did I gain weight, but since I’ve been eating a lot better, my stomach rebelled at the grease I put into it and decided to torture me for it. It (and the later effects, if you know what I mean) kept me out of work and in bed for two days, and I pretty much never call in sick. This was probably the second time in a year.

Over the weekend I was building a puzzle with my friend and lurching over the puzzle table. Your head is heavier than you think, and my neck started hurting. I went to my weekly chiropractor appointment, got a massage, got my adjustment, went home, rested, and cooked dinner. I was merely reaching upward to a shelf for some spices when I heard this enormous crack in my neck/middle shoulder. The pain was instant and fierce. Its getting a lot better, but I may have to see if my chiropractor can see me tomorrow to un-break whatever went out of alignment.

The worst part is that on Tuesday night, my beloved cousin called to tell me that my aunt, her mother, still my favorite aunt despite the distance and years, is succumbing to cancer and probably has less than a week to live. I haven’t seen her in years, but she’s delirious from the cancer and treatment meant to keep her out of pain. Her sister (my mother) died this past January, also from cancer. My grandmother will likely have to bury two of her daughters in one year, and I cannot imagine her pain.

I’m trying to put that aside because it’s too much all at once. I’ll watch a sad movie over the weekend and allow myself to use that to launch into the true grief I am suppressing just to get through the week.

It makes you appreciate your life, no matter how crappy you think it is. However, it really is affecting my ability to do much more than sit still, eat light, not cry, and dive into book after book in an attempt to make myself feel better. I heal quickly, so next week will likely be better. I’m usually okay bitching about inconsequential junk, talking about how irritated or upset I am, but it’s usually surface pain. I’m actually very resilient. Deeper inside, I’m very hard to rattle or even touch. This latest is bad. My mother was in her mid 50s, and my aunt is only slightly older. It’s way too young.

I’ll be okay; I always am, and I’d rather my aunt not be in pain anymore. But in the meantime I’m on damage control, and this is likely the last I’ll write of it here until after everything is over. Sorry for the downer, but if you can take anything from this, just be happy for the time you have with your loved ones, and with the time you have on this earth. Every moment, no matter how stacked with day-to-day irritations, is precious and beautiful. We should appreciate it, no matter what.

Thanks for reading.

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~ by Darren Endymion on September 24, 2015.

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