Hell Hath Come to October

Every year I complain about the (theoretically) unseasonable heat that visits Southern California. This year, I told myself that I wouldn’t do it. It’s something I have to accept if I’m going to live here (which I don’t want to, but that’s a whole different story we don’t have time to get into…or the will to sit through again, I assume).

But then we had a heatwave. Sunday, October 10th it was 100 degrees. Yesterday, it was 96. Today it cooled to 89. The weather forecasters (who must be in league with the Dark Prince of Evil) say that this trend will extend into next week when it will finally cool into the 70s…for about two days. However, Satan’s Hellfire won’t be denied. That hateful bitch is sending his minions to pump up the furnaces again, so that next Wednesday, the twenty-fucking-first of goddamned October will be 87 degrees.

We have not but 14 drops of water in the whole state. California is drying into a husk. It has rained more this year than it has in years past (read: more than three days), and they say that a strong El Nino is coming to drench us…but not solve the drought. What it will do is the worst thing water can do to burned out soil, trees, and idiots who insist on building homes on great, dry hilltops. You add a bucket of water to those hillsides, and the residents are surfing into the valleys. So, if we get cool weather and the rain we so desperately need, death and horror will follow.

My only conclusion is that the great Beings beyond space and time, call them Jesus, Zeus, Yog Sothoth, Allah, Buddah, the God and Goddess…they all hate California. I’m aware they won’t be the only ones, but they matter…because they seem bent on destroying us.

Or, at the very least, cooking us in a dastardly crock pot.

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~ by Darren Endymion on October 12, 2015.

3 Responses to “Hell Hath Come to October”

  1. LoL I am suffering in this heat as well…and quite confused possibly a slight delusional from these ups and downs. Oh and my nose screams stuffy so I do not think it agrees with this on going weather change neither.

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