Writing Progress

Once I get into something, I apparently won’t be stopped. In the past week I have done four and a half character sketches, written one scene to be inserted later, updated my concordance, rearranged and combined all the stray folders relating to this project and the novel which went before it, and then backed it up three times.

That makes me wonder…were the other projects I was working on duds? Was something inside me telling me that they had no real value as stories? Or was my intuition (which I have discussed at length and lamentably still ignore) telling me that now wasn’t the right time? Granted, that’s not something I need to decide now, or even think about too much, but it’s simmering on the proverbial back burner of my mind.

I honestly don’t know what it is, and while part of me thinks I should just go with it, another part of me insists that finding out the reason behind my loss of momentum is important. Understanding it may lead to me being able to prevent it. If my intuition is telling me that it’s not time yet to dive into something epic and huge, then maybe it’s only fright and I’m selling myself short. Maybe it’s genuine and I need more practice to get to the level I want to be.

Still another part of me knows why I haven’t worked on the wolves. I was sick of them at first. I was given a very small amount of time to go over the novel about four times and some of the processes and arbitrary rules were bothersome to me. Recently I have found an editor who tells me those rules that so irked me are not a publisher-wide thing and, even if they were, it isn’t the way she would do things. When talking to an acquaintance who has been writing in this genre for some time and with great success, she said that this rule would drive her crazy and that her publisher doesn’t have such a rule. Part of me considered waiting until the rights reverted to me and then publishing elsewhere, but my publisher has been nothing but good and warm and welcoming and kind to me. Having recently worked with an amazing editor and knowing that I can request her again in the future, it changed everything.

Now, I have to figure how much of this is me being a whiny little bitch (which I’m sure is a large part of it), how much is legitimate, and how much I can work with. Also, I need to figure what it is that makes me lose momentum. Those are mental journeys I welcome, though I sincerely hope the answers are manageable.

However, my wolves feel like home, even after so brief of a time spent with them. I don’t have to wonder what they will say or do because the characters are strong in my mind. Some of the things I did to them hurt my heart, but as the saying goes, you sometimes have to “kill your darlings”. Not literally…all the time, anyway. Writing them is easy, though, and if this is my level for now, I need to remind myself that I’m still only beginning, and only through diligence, practice, and care will I evolve into someone who is equal to the bigger, harder stuff. And by pushing myself, by starting at the beginning of this journey, by not trying to jump right into the deep end, I will get there all the faster.

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~ by Darren Endymion on November 19, 2015.

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