“Cleeeeek!”

The members of my team at work are backbiting, gossiping troglodytes…sometimes. I’m the lead of our team and do the quality assessments for their work, which is a large part of their stats and reviews. As with any team, there is always going to be a few people who are not as apt or who do not put forth the effort that others will. When receiving their quality scores, these slackers blamed me. They accused me of picking and choosing their bad e-mails and generally raised a fuss. (Bless them for thinking I have that much time or care enough). I went to our manager and was told that the evidence spoke for itself and that the accusations weren’t being taken seriously.

I thought it was over. False. The main perpetrator (who we will call “Cletus”), realizing that his accusations weren’t being taken seriously, knowing that I confronted one of his cohorts and she backed off, decided to defame me further. Or tried. At one point Cletus took a picture of me at my desk on my break reading an article on Yahoo and sent it to our manager as proof that I…what? Wasn’t working? That I can’t be trusted? I don’t get it, and neither did anyone else. I thought it was just me he was attacking, but I found out it was just about everyone else. His ploy was to try to point out everything “bad” that other people do so that his offenses would seem less egregious.

However, most people didn’t know about the pictures Cletus was taking of me. I play things pretty close to the vest, but I have no fucks left to give. The field in which I grow my fucks is as barren as my womb (since I am male, you can understand how barren my uterus would be. *cackle*).

In an unrelated debacle, Nellie — Cletus’ cohort — sent an IM about our coworker Allan. She mentioned that Allan’s work is terrible, that she doesn’t know how he has a job still, and that she’s sick of cleaning up his messes. Allan isn’t terrible, he’s more potential than effort, but he comes off as exceedingly average. Unfortunately, instead of sending the IM to Cletus, Nellie sent the IM to Alan. Essentially, she shit-talked directly to the person she was trying to malign. Alan handled it maturely, but (true to form) the whole team was talking about it.

One of my coworkers was having computer issues and I was helping her when she chose to talk about the Cletus/Nellie/Alan conundrum. None of the players were around, so most of the team jumped in. Sad, but whatever. Since my Field of Fucks is so very dry and barren, I told the captive audience about the picture taking, and that Cletus, who takes 2-3 hour lunches, was trying to say that I don’t work. Then I told them about an early South Park episode in which the kids go to Costa Rica. Cartman is staring at some prostitutes and they say in a thick accent, “Why dontchu take a peeecture; it will last longer!” Cartman holds up a fake camera and says, “Okay! Cleeeeek!” while clicking (or “cleeeeeking”) the fake shutter button.

Everyone cackled and talked about how stupid the whole thing was, as was the behavior of both Nellie and Cletus. I joked that I needed to stop helping them (even though that’s my JOB) or someone would take my picture and try to rat me out. The girl I was helping turned to me and said, “Cleeeeek!” Someone else called me over for help, so I went a desk away and was helping when our supervisor came and teased me about distracting the team. I said, “Distracting them with help? I can totally stop.” My coworker peeked around the corner, giggled, held up a fake camera to her face, and said, “Cleeeeek!”

Cackles abounded. For the rest of the day I kept hearing exclamations of “Cleeeeek!” whenever anyone would say or do something off color. My team is horrible. They gossip, they backstab, they are petty, and they have an inflated sense of entitlement. But they weren’t always this way. It’s the rotten apples in the bunch rotting those around them and bringing out the bad in them. Sometimes, even after all the years of stupidity and slander, the people they can be — the funny, smart, practical, kind, and even generous people — will come out. It’s then that I am reminded that things were good once, and I’m sadly reminded why I don’t talk to almost any of them anymore and try to avoid social interactions with them at any cost, rather than get caught up in all that nonsense.

But sometimes something happens and you just have to enjoy and squirrel it away to remember in a sort of mental picture you put in the “Good Memories” chest. This was one of those moments.

“Cleeeeek!”

 

 

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~ by Darren Endymion on April 7, 2016.

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