Waiting: the Devil’s Jabbing

All week I was looking forward to today’s entry, thinking that I would have good news to impart, that I would be able to talk about how I got a call from my (hopefully) future apartment complex which I will be sharing with my friend, and what my move in date would be. Instead, I have nothing to report.

The application process should have taken 3-5 business days. With the 4th of July holiday, that meant that Tuesday the 5th should have been the last day of their possible processing time. When that day passed, full of nerves and horror and stomach acid, we thought that maybe with the holiday they were behind a day. Wednesday came and at around 4 we still hadn’t received a call. So, I called them.

Essentially, nothing had happened. There was no word from the background place at all. The woman I spoke to was very nice and said that she would send off an e-mail and hopefully get back to us this week. It has only been a day, but we did not hear anything back today.

This is no trivial manner. Things are getting worse and worse for both me and my friend at our respective home places. I could write a five-part series of entries on that subject alone, but I just don’t have the strength. My friend Merrot is in a situation of spiraling lunacy, and another dear friend of mine (with whom Merrot is living) seems to be becoming unhinged from all the pressures, not the least of which is her lunatic, manipulative, domineering boyfriend…of four months. As for me, I have an explosively tempered older roommate who happens to be in love with my ex (who I met my roommate through). After I finally put my foot down about my ex living here (who the fuck wants to live with their druggie ex?) and the ensuing explosion, my ex has been here every single day, only to leave right when I get here or just before. The place itself leaves a great deal to be desired, and it’s just a volatile, ugly situation that only gets worse and worse. And it is never going to change.

So, this lack of news is not only personally irritating, it’s devastating, detrimental, and prolonging some horrible situations that should have come to an end months ago (if not years, in my case). It’s progressively getting worse, and both of us are finally in situations — emotionally, physically, and financially — where we can get out.

As if the Universe is telling us not to relent and to only despair with our current situations, things only get worse. We are exhausted, mentally wiped, emotionally stretched thin, and ready to GTFO.

The waiting is agony. It’s like that scene from 28 Days Later when they are in the tunnel and the rage-infected zombieish creatures are sprinting through the tunnel toward them. I’ll tell you what it’s like: Imagine the tension is there, doom and death are literally running at them, they are trying to change the tire to get out of there, they see the danger coming at them, hear the unnatural screams of the infected…and suddenly someone has to stop to take a call or tie their shoe or rotate the tire. Something that seems frivolous but that you can’t stop or alter. You just have to wait for that tire to be replaced, to get in the car, and to hope and pray that you can reach the end of that tunnel, that you can run away before shit gets real.

I feel like that — the rage-infected are closer, I can almost smell them, I’m ready to go, but the tire isn’t on totally yet. And we have to wait. And watch the rage-infected close in. And hope to get out in time.

So, we hope. And wait.

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~ by Darren Endymion on July 7, 2016.

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