Still Here, Still Bewildered

It doesn’t seem like things have changed at all. I’m still in the state and place I have wanted to be in for years. The work at home has been fantastic and I have been able to do more than I would have on other days…while watching Netflix and listening to music.

It doesn’t feel real. I still expect to wake up to the sound of my ex getting in the shower in the bathroom between our rooms, to get some passive aggressive attention, to have dogs barking incessantly, to have September and half of October being in the 80s and 90s, to have some odd work team being ugly, to be miserable and hot and helplessly out of it.

Instead, I am arranging my apartment, dealing with the heat while knowing it will be raining next week (and about 20 degrees cooler), and working at home…willingly doing overtime. I have not been able to go out socially except for one night since I have been here, but tonight I ended up double booking myself but working instead. I have made the beginnings of friends and sense a date in my future. The people are nice. I can choose who I associate with. I can go out and have a social life. I have plans tomorrow and possibly Saturday.

My life has changed, but it feels like I am on an indoor vacation in a too-hot place. When does this end? It’s too soon. Is this the beginning of happiness? Is it my life now?

I don’t know, but I’m happy so far. And I refuse to believe that the bottom will drop out. This is my life, and it is happiness waiting to bloom.

~ by Darren Endymion on August 25, 2016.

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