From Dread to Relief

I’m sitting here at the tail end of a three-day weekend and I kept having this feeling like I was forgetting something…like something was missing. I had to think about it for some time until I realized what it was.

Dread.

Normally on any given weekend, especially on the longer ones, and infinitely more on the vacation weekends where I take 4-5 days off, I am filled with dread and almost despair. In the past, this last day off has meant that I have to return to the drama at work where so many things are distracting and hateful and I’m forced to deal with vituperative coworkers who can’t bear to go a single day without stabbing each other in the back.

Then when work was over I had to return to a house where my often drug addled, sullen, lustily-staring ex-boyfriend would skulk about the place making everything he came in contact with unpleasant. Being around him felt like trying to lick the musty ass of a Dementor. My roommate himself was a wonderfully kind, generous older man (with an infrequent but explosive temper that rarely came into play) who utterly enabled my ex. The house was such that I willingly confined myself to my room for 90% of the time I was there. Bringing friends over was nearly out of the question.

Add to that all the leg problems I was having, the constant heat, the lack of any real independence, and every day was a challenge. The worst of all that was the night before having to return to work.

All of that is now gone. All of it.

My leg is so much better and getting stronger every day. I don’t mind work — I can listen to music, have Netflix playing in the background, listen to an audio book, and, as I said before, I am generally free from the drama. I do my work, I can have fun during it, and when it’s over I have a beautiful new city to explore. Also, I’m living with one of my best friends in a city of tolerance and happiness. The people here are nice, I can have people over without embarrassment, I can go out and socialize, I feel comfortable in my kitchen and living room, and there is no specter of doom loping around the place bringing down the mood.

The dread is gone. Relief has replaced it.

And I couldn’t be happier.

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~ by Darren Endymion on September 5, 2016.

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