Goodbyes and Hellos

To start out with a laughably pretentious truism, life is a series of endings and beginnings.

When I visited here I met a guy we shall call Edwin. We hung out, there was affection, we stayed in touch when I went back to California, and we got along very well. He’s smart, sweet, pretty sexy, and very social. The bad thing is that he reminded me quite a bit of my ex in many of the good ways.

When I moved here, Edwin and I made plans to hang out. We did so, messed around, and then went out to eat and have midnight nachos. Edwin is a busy, social, involved guy. I’m not trying to demand his time when I’m a new element in his life and this city. There was never any talk or indication that he wanted to be more than friends and/or friends with benefits.

Edwin saw me online this weekend and sent me a text at about 1am asking how I was doing and eventually inviting me over. I said another time would be better. The next morning, we chatted again and I got both barrels of WTF-ness.

He told me that he had been more than clear about his interest in me and that we shouldn’t hang out anymore. He claimed I was being passive and insecure with him. I told him that’s ironic because I’m totally comfortable with him (the resemblance to the good parts of my ex and without the drugs put me instantly and perpetually at ease). I told him that he’s showing me this awesome city, and I’m sitting there with wide-eyed wonder. He wasn’t having it. He said we can chat as friends in the future.

The take away: he liked me as more than friends (or naked friends) and somehow his one hang out, an invitation to hang out very late (when I work at 5:30am), and a weekend text at 1am to come over should have told me that he wanted to date. Because I did not respond the way he wanted, his ego was bruised and he started to think I was treating him as a tour guide. So, that was a goodbye. It’s unfortunate because he’s a good guy, but I think my only “crime” was being oblivious to his rather subtle and very few hints.

There’s another guy I have been talking to since I got here (we shall call him Raymond) and we haven’t really had time to meet. He’s been understanding and nice, and we’ve both had to cancel on each other a few times — understandable as he has three jobs and I’m still getting settled. Still, we had good chats, he has expressed interest in meeting and being able to talk and hanging out. I don’t assume intentions — not sex, not friends, nothing. Assumption is not only stupid, it sets you up for failure *staring at Edwin*. Raymond called me this weekend and we were talking, resetting the time of our supposed meeting. He said, “I really want to make sure we have time to talk on our first date.”

Date? Who? Where? This…okay. A date, then. Like a real date. We’ve texted a bit since then, and it’s been very nice. It may fall through, it may not come to anything, and it just might. Again, no assumptions. So, there is a hello which somewhat counters my other goodbye (without the horror of reminding me of an ex).

It was an unnecessary, abrupt ending and a positive (if protracted) hello. Life is full of them. These won’t be the last, and it just shows that life continues, even when you want to pause it so that you can get settled, physically and emotionally. Life carries on. Your only choice is to accept the goodbyes as well as the hellos.

~ by Darren Endymion on September 26, 2016.

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