Despair to Elation in Twelve Hours

This morning started with a series of dramatic panic attacks and, for the first time since I got here (indeed, for the first time in about three years of planning and wishing), I thought that I might have made the wrong decision in moving. My money is dreadfully stretched at the moment; I found out that my insurance plan will change to something absolutely, astonishingly shitty because I’ve changed states; my publisher is having troubles and hasn’t responded to my questions regarding the renewal of my novel’s contract, re-edit, and unified covers for the series; and my entire group at work is changing ownership to be under a historically challenging and difficult manager and a volatile director. It was all weighing heavily on my mind. So heavily, in fact, that I got very little work done and then I started to get short of breath. I spent the better part of my morning with my head in my hands, stressing, thinking I couldn’t breathe, and having hot flashes.

Then it all started coming together.

1) My best friend and roommate, for whom I would happily stretch my last dollar, got another job and starts next week.

2) My insurance plan remains absolute shit. However, with my best friend’s help, I found three subsidizing plans in addition to the one I already knew of to help shore up the awfulness. In addition to that, I was able to craftily prolong the period before the full heap of shit falls on me, so I have plenty of time to get the subsidizing plans in place before I need them.

3) My publisher is still having issues, but they are generous enough or believe in me enough that they are willing to work with me. I am getting another editing with an editor who has taught me a great deal and with whom I love working. I am getting the ability to work with the wonderful new cover artist to make a new cover and make it something that can be cohesive as I write the other books in the series. It also means that they believe in me enough to actually write the other books and that they will be good enough to publish.

4) My team is dealing with the changes rather well. In addition to that, my soon-to-be new director IMed me for help. Unfortunately, she got me when I was on break so I missed her. However, the moment I got back I sent her an IM back, and she responded that she found the answer, but she is planning on using me in the future. So, my timely response (all things considered) and my reputation there have compelled her to reach out to me for help. That’s a damn good start, considering she won’t technically be my boss for almost a month, and it sets a precedent. When your boss’ boss’ boss’ boss reaches out to you before she’s technically over you, shows that she’s testing you and has at least a little faith in you.

So, in about twelve hours I went from despondence to elation, and every time I sort of kick back and feel contentment, another level comes and takes it higher. Just in time, too.

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~ by Darren Endymion on September 29, 2016.

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