Lack of Misery is Not Happiness

When we make major changes in life, it’s rare that we can look back on one single day and say, “That right there. That’s when things started to change.” Well, barring any trauma or being bitten by a radioactive spider. (I’d take the latter, thank you, assuming telekinesis and telepathy are out.) Then there are days you hope are the start of something new.

This week I have done some things I have been putting off for months. I took out some old boxes, I sent my first novel to my favorite editor to see if we need to do a re-edit, I responded to her amused hyperventilating at the length of the novel (it is a behemoth for the genre), I began taking inventory of my remaining totes and boxes, I pulled out an old synopsis and some written work to see where things lie with it and how it compares to my current stuff, I’ve finished a reading project that has been thwarting me, and I even managed to dust off some old Netflix DVDs I have had for over half a year. (Don’t judge me!)

With the move happening after over three years of wanting it and being in a really horrible situation, I think I just sort of turned to jelly. I did the barest minimum and fell back into some old habits. However, they were habits without the pain. I am relaxed, calm, and happy.

Life had been so miserable for so long that with the removal of those negative stimuli, the base of my life was essentially pulled out from under me. What I was left with were the habits, but no life for them to stand on. In fact, one of my coworkers told me this week that she was glad to hear that I was so much happier. She said that, though nobody else seemed to notice, she saw how unhappy I was and how bad it was wearing on me. She did sit right next to me and we went to lunch together every day, but I did the same with two other people and they didn’t seem to notice a damn thing.

Whatever it was, this week has seen some pretty good changes. I hope they are going to last and lead to better things. Sure, I’m not miserable anymore, but a lack of misery is not the same as happiness. It’s time to break out of old habits that were in place because they protected me and find new ones that fulfill me.

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~ by Darren Endymion on November 3, 2016.

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