Thanksgiving Wallow

I have eaten too much. Not enough to burst out of my pants as though I was morphing into some fatted hog-beast that the savage children from the Lord of the Flies would be interested in, but enough to where I might gain a few pounds. My friend made a chicken, potatoes, and a bunch of other stuff. I made the apple pie…by which I mean I popped a Marie Callender’s into the oven, culinary genius that I am. Now she has gone to bed and I am watching A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving as the rain pours down outside. I already watched Planes, Trains, and Automobiles yesterday, but I may watch it again. Why not? (And who can watch that movie and not think about how much we all still miss John Candy?)

I have a great deal to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.

I’m out of the horrid situation I was in before my move. I am in a wonderful, beautiful city in a nice apartment. I work from home now, which has made such an improvement on my outlook that the word “dramatic” wouldn’t begin to describe the transformation. Though I still think about him occasionally and though he occasionally still haunts my nightmares, I am 800+ miles away from my ex and his astonishingly self-destructive path and negative influence on me (it’s hard to see someone you care about slowly destroy himself and shut you out…and it’s hard to realize that there’s nothing you can do to help). There are huge problems with my publisher, but if they go down, there are always other options, however sad that makes me and however much of a pain in the ass it will be. I have to work tomorrow, but all I have to do is roll out of bed, watch movies or listen to a book, work, and make double time and a half for eight hours. I’m thankful that my will to write is thundering back. I’m thankful that I actually like what I’m writing.

I’m thankful for so many things right now, but more than anything, the single most important thing in my life that I am thankful for is this: there are positive and negative things going on, there’s so much work to do, and there is so much to see and learn and do and work through, but for the first time in longer than I can remember, I am actually, truly happy. This isn’t the end. There are many more things out there that will make me even happier, but right now, I have a platform, a solid place from which to act. I am not drowning, desperately kicking to keep my head above water.

I am happy.

And that is truly something to be thankful for.

~ by Darren Endymion on November 24, 2016.

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